Advice - part 2.

I felt annoyed earlier reading status after status of "new year, new me", "bye 2014, 2015 be good to me." But then I realized how vital it is to reflect on the past year. New beginnings are bittersweet, but exciting. Without a doubt, 2014 has been a great year - and I'm sad to see it go. However, I'm excited to venture into 2015 and continue to grow personally and professionally. 

Last year I took the time to jot down the 80 things I had learned in 2013. I forgot about this list until a few minutes ago, and truly loved reading it again. So many of these lessons are still true, and I'm thankful I've had the opportunity to learn them.  I wanted to continue this tradtion to really think about this past year and what I've learned from it. 

1. Follow your heart. Seriously. Your heart will lead you exactly where you need to go. 

2. Sometimes you end up where you need to be, not where you'd thought you'd be. 

3. It's okay to be different. Just because you're 22 doesn't you have to follow the crowd. 

4. Enjoy your youth, but don't use it as an excuse to not follow your dreams. 

5. The people you say you can't are scared that you will. 

6. Everything boils down to priorities. 

7. If you ever have to question someone's feelings for you, it is NOT worth it. 

8. You get what you settle for. Lack of boundaries creates a lack of respect. 

9. Don't settle. Know your worth. 

10. Drive the speed limit. It only took me getting pulled over 3 times to learn this...kinda. 

11. You can't rush something you want to last forever. 

12. "Not my circus, Not my monkeys" - don't bother yourself with problems that don't concern you. 

13. People aren't against you, but they live for themselves. People will screw you over the first chance they get. 

14. Sensitivity doesn't make you weak, it just means you have a big heart. 

15. It is okay to cut off people who poisson your spirit. It doesn't make you a bad person to know what you deserve. 

16. Stay Humble, Work Hard, Be Kind. 

17. Realize and accept that some people won't be around forever. Hug them that much tighter. 

18. Rocky roads will reveal someone's true character. 

19. Someone who feels appreciated will always do more than expected. 

20. Don't chase people. Do you. The people who are meant to be in your life will come and stay.

21. But with that being said, don't forget to show appreciation to those who support and value you. 

22. Opportunity shouldn't determine your loyalty. 

23. "Sometimes your light attracts moths and your warmth attracts parasites. Protect your space and energy."

24. Some see a weed, some see a wish. Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change. 

25. Anything you have to manipulate to get is rarely yours to keep. 

26. 6+3=9 but so does 5+4. 

27. Hating someone makes them important. Forgiving them makes them obsolete. 

28. You don't need religion to have morals. 

29. It's not about what size you wear, but how you wear your size. 

30. Don't complain about something you're not willing to change. 

31. If it doesn't matter, get rid of it. If you can't get rid of it, it matters. 

32. If you round out your edges, you'll lose your edge. 

33. Be Soft. Don't let the word make you hard. 

34. Be humble. You may be wrong. 

35. Someone who truly values you will respect your boundaries. 

36. Quality over quantity. This goes for friends, purses and more. 

37. Be open minded, expose yourself to new things.

38. Everyone has the right to be happy, even if you don't agree with what makes them happy. 

39. Most bad behavior comes from insecurity. 

40. Never hope for it more than you work for it. 

41. Life isn't about what you gain, its about what you give.

42. Just because you're not being valued doesn't mean you're not valuable. 

43. Nothing is a waste of time if you learned something. 

44. Spend less than you have and you'll always be wealthy. 

45. Never ruin an apology with an excuse. 

46. You don't have to say I love you to say I love you. 

47. Indecision is a decision. 

48. Loyalty is all or nothing. You can't be loyal only when it suits you. 

49. Say what you mean but don't say it mean. 

50. Don't let anyone make you feel like you have to do something for them. 

51. Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. 

52. It is perfectly okay to treat yourself every once in a while. 

53. Love is an action verb. 

54. A woman's mindset will raise your children, not her body or her looks. 

55. You wouldn't be scared of the past repeating itself if you felt you truly learned something from it. 

56. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. 

57. If they do it often, it isn't a mistake - it's their behavior. 

58. There's always room to be a better person. Always. 

59. Not everyone who smiles at you is a friend. 

60. Trust is everything. 

61. Pulling someone down will never help you reach the top. 

62. Don't stop learning outside of the classroom. 

63. Treat everyday like an interview. 

64. The greatest gift you can give someone is the space to be his or herself without the threat of you leaving. 

65. Don't dance with the devil and wonder why you're in hell. 

Fall In Love With My Naked Soul, and the Rest Is Yours

It's summer. Just like a large percentage of girls out there, I'd like to lose 10 lbs by the end of summer. Somewhat easy, right? I lost 40 before, so this shouldn't be too hard. But the more and more I thought about it, I couldn't decide if I truly wanted to. Yes, I am currently a little bit "bigger" than I'd like.

But when I was a size 4/6, I was running everyday for 1 hour, not eating very healthy, and I still felt like it wasn't enough. This was my freshman year of college. 

At my lowest weight, which at one time was 125 lbs., I got a decent amount of attention from guys. But I didn't like this. I didn't like that someone only wanted to talk to me because my tiny frame. I didn't want someone to want to get to know me because they had intentions of having sex with me. 

I don't like people because of their bodies, and I don't want someone to like me because of mine. 

Sure, there are guys that I think are cute. But that's not what matters to me. 

I care about the way you treat me. 

You goals and what you're doing to reach them.

The way you treat others. 

Your respect.

Your passions. 

I am Shannon. I have thoughts, feelings, goals, likes, dislikes, fears, and dreams. I want someone who loves my passion, my spirit, my determination, my kindness, and my laugh.

I want to connect with someone on an emotional and spiritual level before a physical level is even introduced.

Physical intimacy is great, I'm sure. But for me, it needs to be with someone I have a deeper connection with. 

I guess I'm okay with being a bit "bigger" because of this. In a world that is so focused on being a size 0, tall, and flawless, being "me" weeds out anyone with wrong intentions.

I have thick thighs, a little bit of a tummy, and wide arms. 

But I sure as hell have a lot more than that, too. 

If you can accept that, and learn to love myself like I have, you'll be just fine. 

It took me 21 years to come to this point.

I love myself. I recognize my faults, celebrate my successes, and realize my outward appearance isn't nearly as beautiful as my heart.

It took me a lot of heartbreak and lessons to come to this, 21 years worth.

I don't have that kind of time or energy to make someone else see my worth. 

You don't like me

I will forever be confused by boy's who decide they "like" a girl after hanging out 1 time. 

Was it the way I politely laughed at your jokes I didn't understand? Or the way I tried not to swear excessively? 

If you see the point I'm trying to make, you'll realize that everyone is the "best" version of themselves the first time they meet someone. I'm not saying I'm a completely different person, but I'm just a more polished and refined version. Think Shannon 2.0. 

Can you really say you like me when you haven't seen every side of me? 

You haven't seen how outspoken and cranky I am when I'm hungry. Or how quiet I get when I'm tired. You've never seen how angry I get when I've been hurt because I'm trying to protect myself. But you've also never seen the way my eyes light up when I talk about something I'm passionate about. And you probably don't understand how excited I get when I find the "perfect" shoes on sale. 

Or maybe you see something completely different in me that I don't see. Or maybe you "like" me for all the wrong reasons. And why are you so open to telling me you like me so soon? Aren't you scared that I might just like you as a friend? 

Maybe you have a basic criteria for a girlfriend. Nice, funny, cute. Okay, that's not very hard to find. But I guess I just know that besides those exterior features, I have a lot to offer that isn't easily detected.

I'm loyal to the end and have a heart that never hardens. I have a deep passion burning in my soul that I put into everything I do. I stick up for the people I care about because everyone needs a crutch. I have a sense of humor that could make even the hardest person crack a smile. 

We all have those inside qualities, inside beauty, that means so much more than whats on the outside. That's what you truly fall in love with. Sure, straight teeth, perfect hair, and a lean body are all things you may "love" about a person, but that isn't what you should base your love around. 

I'm a senior?

As of this afternoon, I'm done with my junior year in college. Seriously? I feel like last week I was moving in at the beginning of August to help run a summer camp. I can't believe this will be the last night I spend in Concord 407. Hands down Junior year was the best year I've experienced at RMU. Everything may not have turned out the way I planned but that's okay, nothing ever really does. I just have to trust that it's the way its meant to be. However, I can't help but wish I was home, and I feel a slight tinge of sadness that things aren't how I envisioned. 

I hope I never forget the memories I made this year. It all happened so fast. I guess years like this are why they say college is the best years of your life. It's weird, the people that you think will be by your side forever are the first to leave. The people I thought couldn't care less about me are the ones that have been there for me the most. I guess different situations bring out different sides in people, some sides you never knew existed. 

It didn't hit me until now how sad I was for the year to be over. My roommates are still here. The guys have left. I haven't seen some of them in a while. That's the thing, sometimes you don't realize the time spent with people may be your last. 

But I'm content knowing I had nights where I looked around at the people near me and wouldn't change a thing in the world. 

This day.

This day has me feeling some type of way...

Have you ever had those days were you feel different but don't know how to explain it. Physically, I feel fine albeit a little tired. Emotionally, I'm okay, but something is off. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy. Am I disappointed? I'm not sure. 

Maybe I feel this way because its gloomy outside. Or maybe I feel this way because I haven't had a pedicure in months. Either way, I'm feeling blue. 

I've had a lot of great things come my way recently. I should be jumping over the moon, screaming how excited I am. But, with all these good things that have happened, I've come to realize something. 

People want to see you do well, but never better than them. 

Amen to that. Now, this is hard for me to grasp. I'm the type of person that would do anything to help someone. However, I don't like when people see this and take advantage of me. My problem is, is that I'm too trusting of people. Just because I wouldn't intentionally hurt someone doesn't mean someone wouldn't do that to me. And trust me, they have. By now I should know to keep my cards close to my chest but I sadly haven't learned that yet. 

In just one year, I'll be ready to graduate with a degree in Communications with a focus in Advertising and a Public Relations minor. Both industries are extremely competitive. From here on out, I need to remember to not be better than the competition, but do it different. I need to remember to be bold, be bright, be me. 

Flying.

I remember a January night where I was crying to my Mom on the phone. I was certain I was never going to get an internship. I didn't feel like I had the skills and knowledge necessary to obtain such a position. Fast forward a few months and I fell into an internship position for this semester, as well have had 3 interviews for summer internships. On top of that, I'll be working for the Pirates this summer. Crazy, right? 

So how did I go from crying and feeling hopeless to achieving more than I ever imagined? 

I did something about it. How was I supposed to know if I didn't try? I've applied to tons of internships. Some I was denied right away, others I haven't heard back from. Yeah, I've been disappointed and discouraged. But, these options right in front of me currently are the best ones for me at this very point. These options were given to me for a reason. Those other positions that didn't follow through, they didn't work for a reason. 

I put everything in fate's hands. I am exactly where I need to be in this very moment. I'm the exact person I am for a reason. I have gained and lost the people in my life for a reason. Everything, every single little thing was meant to happen. Instead of resenting what curve ball has been thrown at me, I've put on my glove and made every attempt to catch that speeding ball. If you know anything about my sporting ability, you know I flat out suck at sports. But, that doesn't mean I have tried my hardest. 

I no longer waste time more time than necessary being upset over things not going how I imagined. Sure, I still feel upset, disappointed, let down, all of that. But give me a day and I'm fine. I take my time to wallow before refocusing. You see, I can only control so much. I can't control other people or circumstances. But I can control how I use it to empower and push me.

 And if people don't want to stick around after that, that's their loss. I have a lot to offer to a variety of people and situations, that's easy to see. I'm driven, compassionate, giving, bright, and creative. And we can't forget that I'm an awesome baker. 

My point is, I am so at peace with myself that I don't need to keep people who only weigh me down. Like a bird, I was meant to fly. I was meant to push harder and harder, to go higher, and faster. Others are content with slow and steady. Not me. Some may be content with a 3.2 GPA but each semester I am advancing well over a 3.6. Others may be content with 1 internship. Not me. I want as many as possible. 

Mediocrity isn't an option. I'm not about to graduate with 100k in debt and work at a sub par Ad agency. Or a job with no connection to my degree. Never. Every positive step I take while still a student is only going to benefit me. 

All I want in life is to be successful. Art has been bursting its way out of my soul from the time I was born. I want to take all that passion and creativity that is flowing through my veins and use it to propel me into something great. I don't know how far that "something" is. It may be Pittsburgh. Maybe it's in London. Hell, I couldn't tell you where it is. But that's what makes it beautiful. I don't know where I'll end up someday. But for now, this bird just has to keep flying till I reach my destination. 

"The Struggle is Part of the Story"

If you're lucky, you have two hands. While those hands can do many things, one of the best things they can be used for is to help. One hand to help yourself, and the other to help others. But what if someone doesn't want help?

 Sadly, I've had to realize that some people just don't want help. They don't want to be saved and frankly, you can't save those that don't want to be saved. It is so frustrating to watch someone drowning when they could save themselves simply by standing up. But often times, standing up is a journey. They'll fall, and trip. Maybe they'll drown again. The fact of the matter is, you can't change people. They have to change themselves. 

This was such a hard concept for me to realize. Watching countless people you love struggle is heartbreaking, and for a while, I thought I could help them reduce their struggles. Unfortunately, I can't shape someone's journey. Whats meant to be will be and maybe this low point in their life is what they need. The struggle is part of the story. 

As much as I wish I could help them, it is simply not possible. They only thing I can do is provide support. Even a silent presence is better than a thousand empty words. I can't make people be what I want them to be or decide what is best for them. I can only decide for myself and love others. I can only hope my love and silent presence will give them wings to fly, roots to come back, and a reason to stay.