It's summer. Just like a large percentage of girls out there, I'd like to lose 10 lbs by the end of summer. Somewhat easy, right? I lost 40 before, so this shouldn't be too hard. But the more and more I thought about it, I couldn't decide if I truly wanted to. Yes, I am currently a little bit "bigger" than I'd like.
But when I was a size 4/6, I was running everyday for 1 hour, not eating very healthy, and I still felt like it wasn't enough. This was my freshman year of college.
At my lowest weight, which at one time was 125 lbs., I got a decent amount of attention from guys. But I didn't like this. I didn't like that someone only wanted to talk to me because my tiny frame. I didn't want someone to want to get to know me because they had intentions of having sex with me.
I don't like people because of their bodies, and I don't want someone to like me because of mine.
Sure, there are guys that I think are cute. But that's not what matters to me.
I care about the way you treat me.
You goals and what you're doing to reach them.
The way you treat others.
Your respect.
Your passions.
I am Shannon. I have thoughts, feelings, goals, likes, dislikes, fears, and dreams. I want someone who loves my passion, my spirit, my determination, my kindness, and my laugh.
I want to connect with someone on an emotional and spiritual level before a physical level is even introduced.
Physical intimacy is great, I'm sure. But for me, it needs to be with someone I have a deeper connection with.
I guess I'm okay with being a bit "bigger" because of this. In a world that is so focused on being a size 0, tall, and flawless, being "me" weeds out anyone with wrong intentions.
I have thick thighs, a little bit of a tummy, and wide arms.
But I sure as hell have a lot more than that, too.
If you can accept that, and learn to love myself like I have, you'll be just fine.
It took me 21 years to come to this point.
I love myself. I recognize my faults, celebrate my successes, and realize my outward appearance isn't nearly as beautiful as my heart.
It took me a lot of heartbreak and lessons to come to this, 21 years worth.
I don't have that kind of time or energy to make someone else see my worth.
