This day.

This day has me feeling some type of way...

Have you ever had those days were you feel different but don't know how to explain it. Physically, I feel fine albeit a little tired. Emotionally, I'm okay, but something is off. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy. Am I disappointed? I'm not sure. 

Maybe I feel this way because its gloomy outside. Or maybe I feel this way because I haven't had a pedicure in months. Either way, I'm feeling blue. 

I've had a lot of great things come my way recently. I should be jumping over the moon, screaming how excited I am. But, with all these good things that have happened, I've come to realize something. 

People want to see you do well, but never better than them. 

Amen to that. Now, this is hard for me to grasp. I'm the type of person that would do anything to help someone. However, I don't like when people see this and take advantage of me. My problem is, is that I'm too trusting of people. Just because I wouldn't intentionally hurt someone doesn't mean someone wouldn't do that to me. And trust me, they have. By now I should know to keep my cards close to my chest but I sadly haven't learned that yet. 

In just one year, I'll be ready to graduate with a degree in Communications with a focus in Advertising and a Public Relations minor. Both industries are extremely competitive. From here on out, I need to remember to not be better than the competition, but do it different. I need to remember to be bold, be bright, be me. 

Flying.

I remember a January night where I was crying to my Mom on the phone. I was certain I was never going to get an internship. I didn't feel like I had the skills and knowledge necessary to obtain such a position. Fast forward a few months and I fell into an internship position for this semester, as well have had 3 interviews for summer internships. On top of that, I'll be working for the Pirates this summer. Crazy, right? 

So how did I go from crying and feeling hopeless to achieving more than I ever imagined? 

I did something about it. How was I supposed to know if I didn't try? I've applied to tons of internships. Some I was denied right away, others I haven't heard back from. Yeah, I've been disappointed and discouraged. But, these options right in front of me currently are the best ones for me at this very point. These options were given to me for a reason. Those other positions that didn't follow through, they didn't work for a reason. 

I put everything in fate's hands. I am exactly where I need to be in this very moment. I'm the exact person I am for a reason. I have gained and lost the people in my life for a reason. Everything, every single little thing was meant to happen. Instead of resenting what curve ball has been thrown at me, I've put on my glove and made every attempt to catch that speeding ball. If you know anything about my sporting ability, you know I flat out suck at sports. But, that doesn't mean I have tried my hardest. 

I no longer waste time more time than necessary being upset over things not going how I imagined. Sure, I still feel upset, disappointed, let down, all of that. But give me a day and I'm fine. I take my time to wallow before refocusing. You see, I can only control so much. I can't control other people or circumstances. But I can control how I use it to empower and push me.

 And if people don't want to stick around after that, that's their loss. I have a lot to offer to a variety of people and situations, that's easy to see. I'm driven, compassionate, giving, bright, and creative. And we can't forget that I'm an awesome baker. 

My point is, I am so at peace with myself that I don't need to keep people who only weigh me down. Like a bird, I was meant to fly. I was meant to push harder and harder, to go higher, and faster. Others are content with slow and steady. Not me. Some may be content with a 3.2 GPA but each semester I am advancing well over a 3.6. Others may be content with 1 internship. Not me. I want as many as possible. 

Mediocrity isn't an option. I'm not about to graduate with 100k in debt and work at a sub par Ad agency. Or a job with no connection to my degree. Never. Every positive step I take while still a student is only going to benefit me. 

All I want in life is to be successful. Art has been bursting its way out of my soul from the time I was born. I want to take all that passion and creativity that is flowing through my veins and use it to propel me into something great. I don't know how far that "something" is. It may be Pittsburgh. Maybe it's in London. Hell, I couldn't tell you where it is. But that's what makes it beautiful. I don't know where I'll end up someday. But for now, this bird just has to keep flying till I reach my destination. 

"The Struggle is Part of the Story"

If you're lucky, you have two hands. While those hands can do many things, one of the best things they can be used for is to help. One hand to help yourself, and the other to help others. But what if someone doesn't want help?

 Sadly, I've had to realize that some people just don't want help. They don't want to be saved and frankly, you can't save those that don't want to be saved. It is so frustrating to watch someone drowning when they could save themselves simply by standing up. But often times, standing up is a journey. They'll fall, and trip. Maybe they'll drown again. The fact of the matter is, you can't change people. They have to change themselves. 

This was such a hard concept for me to realize. Watching countless people you love struggle is heartbreaking, and for a while, I thought I could help them reduce their struggles. Unfortunately, I can't shape someone's journey. Whats meant to be will be and maybe this low point in their life is what they need. The struggle is part of the story. 

As much as I wish I could help them, it is simply not possible. They only thing I can do is provide support. Even a silent presence is better than a thousand empty words. I can't make people be what I want them to be or decide what is best for them. I can only decide for myself and love others. I can only hope my love and silent presence will give them wings to fly, roots to come back, and a reason to stay. 

Advice, from me to you.

Hey Blogger, it's been a while. Last time we spoke I was nearing the end of my summer break. Since then, I completed my fall semester with a 3.7 GPA, turned 21, and learned a lot along the way. In the final hours of 2013 I wanted to come back to this blog and just simply write. I've missed writing these past few months but I just simply haven't had the time. 

2013 was a year like any other. I don't think it was any better or worse than the other 21 years of my life. But maybe I just haven't had the proper time to truly reflect on this year compared to the others. Anyhow, here are some ending notes. 

1. Passion is everything. No matter how absurd your passion may be, grab it with both hands, pursue it, and don't let go. 1 person with passion is way better than 40 who are simply interested. 

2. Don't let people push you around, unless its in a moving cart on your 21st birthday...because that is very fun. But in all seriousness, don't let people take advantage of you. 

3. But on that note, we cant control people. There will always be givers and there will always be takers. If giving leaves you feeling empty, you're giving to the wrong people. 

4. Continuing on that, don't let that change the person you are. Keep being the same bright, sweet, beautiful person you are. Be soft. Don't let the world make you hard.

5. Don't be jaded. Happiness is a choice. There's a lot to be sad about, but there's also a lot to be happy about. Being cheerful and being miserable require the same amount of work. 

6. Be responsible. Take care of your own problems and deal with the consequences. Its okay to ask for help, but don't be mad at others for problems you brought upon yourself.

7. Just be open minded. Its 2014, for God's sake. If you're still going to be closed minded then how can you expect to grow as a person? You're only hurting yourself. 

8. Love is about appreciation, not possession. Being able to love someone so much that you let them go because you know you're hurting them is the truest thing I have ever known. It hurts like hell but wanting the best for someone, even if it means that you aren't apart of it, is an amazing concept. 

9. There is nothing romantic or sweet about being a dysfunctional couple. Get your act together and determine if you need someone or you want someone. There is a difference. 

10. There is also a difference between genuinely liking someone and liking the attention they give you. Know that difference and recognize it.

11. You don't need other people to love your choices if you love them. Live your life for you. 

12. Don't spread yourself too thin. Everyone needs a break every once in a while. 

13. Its okay to not know what you want. You're young, you don't have to have everything figured out. 

14. What ever is meant to happen, is going to happen. I believe in fate. Don't get caught up in the could have, should have, would haves. If it should of happened, it would have. 

15. We were born with the ability to change someone's life, don't waste that opportunity. 

16. There's more to life than whats simple, convenient, and available. Sometimes, those are the things that hurt us. 

17. There's nothing wrong with needing time to be by yourself. Don't let others feel bad about that. 

18. Don't let others make you feel bad about anything you choose to do. Its YOUR life, not theirs. 

19. Being pretty is cool but having a pretty heart is better. 

20. Everyone comes, and leaves, your life for a reason. Trust in it, even when you don't understand. 

21. Don't be reckless with someone else's feelings, and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. 

22. Love yourself, your whole self. Your flaws, accomplishments - everything. Have the courage to own who you are. Perfectly flawed people are still worthy of being loved.

23. Don't be loyal to people who aren't loyal to you. Know when to let go and don't compromise your self respect. 

24. When someone betrays your trust, its not really them. They've always been acting in a way that's true to themselves. Its our perception of them that was betrayed. 

25. If you have to keep wondering where you stand with someone, you better start walking. Trust me on this one, you'll know when its real.

26. Liking/hooking up/dating people in your friend group isn't a good idea. Way too drama, trust me again on this one. 

27. Religion doesn't determine if you're a good person or not, your actions do. 

28. Experience is worth more than a designer purse. Use that money to go travel. See new sights, go learn something.

29. But don't forget to treat yourself. And sure as hell don't wait for a guy to spoil you. 

30. Don't sweat the small stuff. It wont matter in 5 years, let alone 5 hours.

31. Be thankful for what you have. There are people with less, and also people with more. But if you focus on what you don't have, you'll never have enough. 

32. If you want others to respect you, you have to respect yourself. Remember, you are what you settle for. A lack of boundaries creates a lack of respect. 

33. If you start wondering if you deserve better, you do.

34. Go out and have fun. Go on dates, meet new people. Don't mope around about some asshole forever. 

35. But keep in mind, there are a lot of jerks out there. But there are also good guys, too. 

36. However, good guys are like unicorns (I've never seen one.)

37. When you say "yes" to others, make sure you aren't saying "no" to yourself.

38. Gut instincts are usually right. (and by usually, I mean always.)

39. Sometimes, you just gotta make your own mistakes. No matter how much your friends warn you about someone, you gotta experience it for yourself. 

40. Don't say "I told you so." Sometimes, its better to be kind, than it is to be right. 

41. Everyone is going through their own unique challenges and troubles...be kind. 

42. While we have to make choices that benefit our best interest, every choice we make somehow has an effect on others. Try to be courteous. 

43. If you have a personal problem with someone, go tell that person. Don't go tell their roommates, your roommates, your friend group, the mail man. Seriously! Just go talk to them. 

44. Don't forget your true friends for the newest, latest, friend with all the great party hookups. 

45. Don't allow yourself to be an option. NO. YOU ARE A PRIORITY. 

46. It's better to have loved and lost than live with a psycho the rest of your life.

47. Having good roommates makes for an overall happier state of being. Trust me on this one. 

48. Be bold. Wear lipstick. Wear glitter and sequins. Sparkle. Shine.

49. The relationships you make matter more than the money in the bank and the diploma on the wall. 

50. Go on an adventure with your best friends. Those memories will last a lifetime. 

51. Don't be so hard on yourself. And do not let others make you feel guilty for their mistakes. 

52. Eat the damn cupcake, who cares.

53. Being called the nice girl is way better than being called the bitch.

54. Trust people until they give you a reason not to.

55. Never chase after people. What isn't given freely isn't worth having. 

56. Stop doing things for the sake of posting them on social media. Create a life that feels good, not one that looks good with the toaster Instagram filter. 

57. The way people treat you is a reflection of them, not you. This one took me so long to realize, but instantly changed me once I came upon it. 

58. We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. Remember this. 

59. There's a blessing in every lesson. You may not see it at first, but you will eventually. 

60. Listen to your body and respond accordingly. Take care of yourself!

61. Learn to be your own best friend. At the end of the day, you really can only count on yourself...might as well be okay with being in your own company.

62. Your parents may be on your back but you'll realize that they're the only people who truly ever had your back.

63. What attract's a mans attention doesn't attract his respect and what turns his head won't always turn his heart. 

64. The marks we leave are too often scars. Be kind. Don't hurt people. 

65. Things don't have to be perfect to be good and still worthy. 

66. Good things (like homemade lasagna) take time. They are worth it, trust me. 

67. Missing people is a part of moving on. It doesn't mean you need them back.

68.  Don't waste your time on drama. Its dumb, no one cares, and it is pointless. 

69. Don't feel bad cutting off toxic people. 

70. You can't control if you get hurt. But you can control who hurts you. 

71. Sometimes its better to react with no reaction. 

72. Hurting people who hurt you makes you just like them. Real maturity is when you look at someone who hurt you and try to understand what they are going through. 

73. How others see you means nothing. How you see yourself means everything. 

74. Encourage the ones you love to grow and explore, but give them roots to come back and reasons to stay. 

75. Anything that makes your heart pound and your blood rush is worth doing. 

76. Don't let hate consume your heart. 

77. Sometimes you have to go through hell to become the person you're meant to be. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. 

78. When people show you who they are the first time, believe them. 

79. Actions mean much more than words.

80. It is okay to lose friends. Some people are brought in our lives to show us who we don't want to be.

I think that covers it...

What did you learn this year? 

Glam Glow Review

If you've never experienced blackheads or acne, you're lucky. Fortunately, I was never plagued with acne in my younger years. I've had the occasional breakout that would last a few days and then disappear. However, I've always had blackheads. While makeup covers them, I always wished they would be gone, and gone for good. I've tried numerous products, from pore strips, to "blackhead clearing scrubs" and everything in between. While pore strips work, I've found that they only work sometimes. To me it seems like they only pull out recently formed blackheads and aren't strong enough to pull out the bigger, deep set ones. 

Recently, I've grown tired of cheap fixes and began looking deeper into the issue of getting rid of blackheads. Pinterest told me to extract them with a bobby pin (kinda works) and it also told me to scrub my nose with baking soda and water (burned like hell). In my investigation, I heard about the Glam Glow Super Mud Clearing Treatment, a mask that "sucks" out impurities from the skin. It's been described by many as a miracle product and has a 4.4 out of 5 rating on Sephora. A product of this magnitude comes at a price, though...a staggering $69. I've always been a girl that prefers quality over quantity but I wasn't so sure if I was ready to drop nearly $70 on this product. 

I found myself in Sephora yesterday and I asked one of the workers if she had any samples available of this product. She did not, but she gladly made me one! This morning when I woke up, I was like I gotta try this.  The mask is dark gray and has a few large particles of sea weed. The mask can be used all over your face or as a spot treatment. My forehead is pretty clear with no visible pores so I decided to focus the product on my t-zone and cheeks, especially on my nose. Once the mask starts to dry, it turns a lighter gray color and you can begin to see the mask drawing out the oil, dirt, and straight up junk out of your skin. Don't believe me? Examples to follow. 

These pictures were taken about 10 minutes after the mask was applied. I kept the mask on for a total of roughly 15 minutes. 

All those little "holes" in the mask are where oil and dirt has been vacuumed out of my skin. 

So what's my final thoughts on this product? 

I think it is awesome. I loved being able to see the results immediately. While it didn't remove all of my blackheads, it definitely removed a lot of impurities from my skin. When my sample runs out, I'm definitely buying the full size of this miracle product! 

*All opinions are solely my own and do not express the opinions of my employer or University. Glam Glow was not sent to me, I received the sample for free from Sephora. Pictures are my own.*

Be soft.

Getting hurt in life is inevitable. It will happen once, and then happen again. After being hurt so many times, I often hear people say "I'm used to it." 

To be honest, I'll never be used to being hurt. And I truly think it is sad that some people do get to the point where they're so used to being constantly hurt that they no longer feel emotion. So many people have described me as being a strong girl. While that may be true on the outside, they can't see or understand what I'm feeling on the inside, or even see me when things become too much to handle. While feeling helpless and upset isn't the best experience to go through, I never want to become used to it. 

Life is full of emotions. Some good, and some bad. But life is a test and our emotions are a lesson. Don't ever apologize for how you feel. Don't build a wall around your heart just so you don't shed a tear. Crying shouldn't be seen as a sign of weakness. Tears simply mean you're alive. Tears show that you've been too strong, for too long. 

It is truly a shame that people no longer make it a priority to treat people the best that we can. Life is rough, we all know that. So why try to hurt others when we know how hard living day by day is? We are confined by the walls we build around ourselves. I say, stop building. Be open. Don't become jaded and bitter about life. 

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place. 

Respecting yourself

Respect. Next to love, it is what everyone wants. No one wants to be treated badly. But did you ever stop to think that a fraction of how you are treated depends on how you treat yourself. Don't get me wrong, I know I've talked previously how if people treat us badly, it does not mean we are bad people. While that is true, how we treat ourselves sets the standard for how others treat us. If you don't respect yourself, you can't expect anyone else to respect you.
 So what exactly does that mean to respect yourself? Remember in Mean Girls when Ms. Norbury says "you've got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it alright for guys to call you sluts and whores" ? She's exactly right! I know you think it's funny to call your BFF a whore but would you really like it if a guy called you that? Uhm, no! But just by calling yourself that or allowing a friend to call you that makes it seem like a casual word instead of something I'd never want to be called. 

Another way you can respect yourself is to control your emotions. I know this is a hard one, especially if you're angry! Don't let your mood dictate your manners. This is something I've recently learned but I'm so glad I did! If someone is mad at you and is slandering your name and reputation, let them. They're making a fool of themselves anyway! A true lady wouldn't do that, only a child would. Handle your defeats, failures and short comings with the grace of a lady instead of the grief of a child. And frankly, if you feel the need to badmouth someone after they've hurt you, you've felt that way about them all along. Always remember, what Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than Sally.
In addition, a woman that respects herself would not lower herself to talk negatively of others personal problems. If you know about someones personal problems, they trusted you enough to tell you. By exposing someone else's problems, you're displaying that you don't respect your friend and that you also don't respect yourself. You should feel honored that your friend told you, and you really shouldn't betray her trust. However, maybe she did not want to tell you in the first place but your constant nagging made it impossible. Respect her and yourself to leave the issue alone if she wishes not to talk about it. 

Be modest! But don't confuse modest with dressing like this: 

(source)

I'm not saying you shouldn't show skin at all, but keep it classy. Wearing super short shorts and a revealing top just screams: HEY, LOOK AT MY BODY, ONLY TALK TO ME BECAUSE OF MY BODY AND ONLY "LIKE" ME BECAUSE OF MY BODY. OH AND I LOVE ATTENTION. 

Just no. 

Gentlemen are few and far between these days. But that's because we don't make them rise to that level! Girls are so easy to give away so much, so easily, that guys don't have to work for it. Leave a little to the imagination! Focus on one body part to show off and downplay the rest. I don't know about you but the thought of a guy liking me for such a shallow reason just disgusts me! There is so much more to me than my body and I want someone to like me for my heart, not my appearance! 

Another tip, ladies, control your liquor. There's no issue with going out and having a good time, just make sure you're aware of yourself and who you're with. Sadly, guys prey on drunk girls hoping to hook up with them. Letting this happen just shows you don't respect that you deserve better than that. It is sad that guys take advantage of girls in this manner but its our job to put an end to that! 

In time I hope to continue on this topic in a separate post! 

Do you think self-respect is declining?