We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

When I first created Sparkling Shannon, I intended it to be a blog about fashion and beauty. However, I soon found that I love writing post where I open up to the internet about whats on my mind. Lately, I find myself wanting to write these types of post more than those about fashion and beauty. Don't get me wrong, those things still excite me but I love having the chance to open up my heart and type out these posts in hopes that they'll help someone out there. 

When I was in high school, I had a terrible self-esteem. I was shy, overweight, and was being bullied. I was bullied by the same group of girls for 6 years. I tried my hardest not to let it get to me but eventually I crumbled. I started to believe all the hurtful things they said about me. The bullying followed me wherever I went, from home, to school, and then to work. To this day I still don't know why those girls hated me and to be honest, I don't want to know. Thankfully, it has stopped now that I no longer work with those girls. High School was a rough time for me. From the minute I stepped into 7th grade, I couldn't wait till college. When I graduated, I thought college would be so much better. While it was, it wasn't what I expected. My freshman year was rough. I just completed my sophomore year. It was better than my freshman year but it still wasn't what I wanted it to be. Luckily, I was able to spend the last month of my Sophomore year making friends and having fun while staying true to myself. 

So lets back up a bit and explore why I'm even writing this post. When I was in high school, I went to Barnes and Nobel and bought The Perks of Being a Wallflower. As soon as I began reading this book, I was hooked. I connected to so many things in the book. This book means the world to me. I fell in love with this book in ways that I didn't think were possible. I know this sounds totally cliche because now that the movie is out everyone and their mother is on the Perks bandwagon, but hear me out. We accept the love we think we deserve. That quote just means so much to me, even all these years later. When I was overweight and shy, I felt that I deserved having people treat me badly. During my senior year of high school, I committed to losing weight. I ate healthy and exercised and lost a significant amount of weight. Don't get me wrong, I was still bullied because of that. Those same group of girls accused me of using diet pills to lose weight. But losing weight made me more confident. By being more confident, I was able to assert myself more and show the world who I truly was. By showing people who I really was, I began to believe that I really was a good person. And once I started believing in myself, I started to see that people treating me bad for no reason had nothing to do with me, but it had everything to do with them. When people did something hurtful to me, I started calling them out on it. Granted, I still had my moments when I felt that I deserved it in some twisted way but now I see that I felt that way only because they wanted me to feel that way. But the only thing I deserve is better. I deserve better. 

I deserve someone who puts in as much effort as I do. I deserve someone who wants to show me off instead of hiding me. I deserve someone who wants me to succeed, just like I want them to succeed. Someone who wants me to become the most me I can be. Someone who gets excited about our relationship. Every single person out there deserves someone. Find someone who is worthy of your love. Someone that will treat you with the same amount of respect and love that you give. Because not everyone deserves your love.